BonBon PI: Heels For Hire
by yvj
Summary: The start of her first case started off with a bang or more specifically an explosion. However Bonnie is as determined as ever to get the job done. With Tara as support and Ron as possible muscle things should come easy for Queen B right?
1. Chapter 1

A/N OK so listen the story may be a little confusing if you haven't read BonBon P.I. The Prologue

So if you haven't read that do so now (and review) then come back and enjoy. So welcome to the first of hopefully a good amount of stories under the BonBon P.I. banner

Shout out to Joe Stoppinghem for his help

* * *

Ron sat cross-legged at the center of his penthouse terrace beneath the shade of a patio umbrella. His hands, hanging naturally, were folded into the "cosmic mudra." With his right hand, palm upwards, he held up his left hand, also palm up, so that the knuckles of both hands overlapped. His thumbs touched lightly at the tips, forming an oval that rested on the upturned soles of his feet. Together both hands formed the "tiger's mouth" and they faced forward as if his hands were holding onto an object. His hands rested lightly in front of his stomach on top of his calves without pressure and naturally relaxed.

He drew air deep into his lungs.

Soft reverberations from Japanese bamboo flutes wafted in from the iPod dock station strategically placed a few feet to his left, in parallel the Lotus Blade rested to his right. As the hard-soft, ying-yang notes filled the air, Ron chanted to himself.

Suddenly a faint light began to emanate from the Lotus Blade.

**Your memory is as porous as your defensive stances. Remember your training back at Yamanouchi. First harmonize the body, secondly harmonize the breath, and finally harmonize the mind**!

The spirit of the blade's voice echoed within the walls of Ron's mind.

_I could have sworn that the meditation was a quiet and personal activity. _

**My apologies for shining a light in the darkness of your ignorance! Perhaps if you would occasionally heed my wisdom instead of shunting me off to a dusty corner of your closet you would have mastered the art of meditation already. Perhaps if you involved me, your spiritual guide, more in your training sessions you would not be stalled at being an aspirant master. **

_I am going to take a wild guess and say you're in one of your crabby moods today LB._

**Kuchiki Ryôgorô Yasuyori mastered meditation by the tender age of four! But then again he was of a noble samurai blood. **

_Oh yeah good ole Yasuyori. Didn't he go mad with power and ended up slaughtering an entire school of monks just to test his strength?_

There was a beat of silence when no retort emerged from the Lotus Blade.

_That's right LB, I didn't sleep through every history lesson. _

**Ultimately he was a failure as a master...**

_Failure or disaster? _

**But the point remains. I am not some background character with a minor part in the play based upon the magnificent adventures of Ron Stoppable. You could not tie your shoes without me!**

_I find myself wearing sandals more and more these days. _

**This is how you honor me! With your vulgar American style snide! Oh fortune, has thou delivered me upon the path of neglect. Woe to a father abandoned by his son!**

_OK LB, since you're already kvetching, I might as well hit you with some more bad news. You know those Friday night Madonna's 'Greatest Hits' you've been enjoying so much? Yeah, those are coming to an end._

The Lotus Blade glowed even brighter as the form of a silver chimp materialized over the sword.

**I warn you Stoppable, if you are going mad again I will not tolerate it. I refuse to put up with any more of that type of nonsense.**

_OK first things first, I am not crazy because as you can tell I'm not unreasonably destroying stuff. Secondly it was bad enough that I had to suffer through those Friday nights when I was living alone. But not that we're living with other people...well it gives off a bad impression!_

**Her voice is like nectar to my parched ears; do not deny me these simple pleasures!**

_Oh my god LB, even if Bonnie and Tara hadn't moved in I wouldn't be able to do this every week. Her songs are OK, but how about you we put on something manlier every once in awhile?_

**Manlier? Madonna's lifting voice would move the hearts of the mightiest warriors. With but one strain, I knew I could not go on without her enchanting voice.**

_LB, let's be honest here. Your tastes and mine tend to diverge._

**And I thank the gods for casting upon me such a favor.**

_We're not just curbing the Madonna LB, but we're cutting down completely on the eighties mega-mix OK? I can't take much more of REO Speedwagon!_

**The so called "Eighties Pop" was the Golden Era of musical progression in these barbarian lands. Though they cannot compare with traditional Japanese flutes their contribution to history cannot be slighted. **

_Riiiiiiiight, anyway as much as I dig our little back and forths, I think we need to get to some training. _

**For once you are correct. The latest scroll you received from Yamanouchi contains a technique I am familiar with it. However it requires tremendous amounts of concentration, something that is not really your strength.**

_Thanks for sugar coating it LB_

Ron uncrossed his legs and stood up. Directly before him lay a bed of nails. Sunlight glinted off the sharp metal of sixteen penny nails arranged in perfect rows pointing upwards.

"So..." Ron blurted out

**Push-ups**

"Not the regular kind I bet."

**Children do the regular kind. Masters push themselves up past their limits. **

"Clever LB….So, what are we talking about fifty, a hundred?"

**Five hundred minimum, and there is a time limit.**

"Which is?"

**Don't let that concern you. I will definitely let you know whether you have passed or failed this objective.**

"Are they supposed to look so... rusty?"

**Stop being such an infant!**

Ron crossed his arms over his chest and sighed heavily. "OK by normal...magic ninja warrior prophesied chosen one...standards, this seems a little too straight forward. What's the catch?"

**The catch as you say is such; no extraneous movement is allowed, no sounds, you must avoid all distractions, empty your mind, and focus only on the push-ups and nothing more. **

"So the name of the game is to not lose my focus."

**The name of the game, is keep your focus or risk losing all your fingers. **

"Swell" Ron threw off his Gi and looked down upon the nails with a determined glare. "Fine, let's do this."

**Strength is the only virtue that nature respects**. The spirit of the blade declared some time later.

**The rest is meaningless if you do not have the strength to conquer any and all obstacles. **

While the spirit barked out words of wisdom and inspiration, Ron worked through the handstand push-ups. He came up and down on the sharp nails, going over and over as he struggled to simultaneously maintain his stiff balance and keep his rhythmic and deep breathing. Though his breath wavered here and there he progressed steadily into a graceful up and down motion. However at the very moment that he was on the cusp of a clear head the glass door of his terrace slid open.

Losing no momentum Ron continued on with his objective. He was seemingly unperturbed as Boonie, Tara and their favorite psychic strolled out into the expansive terrace.

"Ah dahlings, the view is sublime! I know you got a new job Bonnie, but I didn't know you were making "gorgeous penthouse" money!" Maddie exclaimed.

"Bonnie can't really afford it. He can though," Tara said as she pointed at Ron.

Maddie bent over at the waist. "The white knight I presume."

Wordlessly Ron continued the push-ups.

"Is he deaf?" Maddie asked.

"Technically no," Tara knelt beside Ron as she waved her hand before his face. "Don't take any offense Maddie, Ron's not being rude. He's just really focused, really in the zone."

Bonnie added, "He's on his Kung Fu kick and that usually requires some measure of silence. It's a Godsend really, without his hobby he would probably never stop talking."

"Actually Bonnie, from what we saw from Ron's fighting style the night he found us. If he was in any kind of kick, it would be Karate not Kung Fu. There's a difference, Kung Fu originated from China while Karate originated from the Ryukyu Kingdom in Japan."

Bonnie and Maddie exchanged glances. "This is what she does from time to time, you just have to roll with it" Bonnie shrugged.

"A martial artist eh?" Maddie traced her waggling fingers over the outline of Ron's body. "Then it's no coincidence that I was assaulted by such a strong aura upon entering the house."

Bonnie approached Ron's body. "So here's the deal, Bruce Lee-bowitz. I've been thinking about how I was going to solve this case, and well that didn't go well. So then I started thinking about _why _I couldn't think of a single way to solve this case. I mean I've read detective manuals, how to books, self helps, mystery novels, black and white movies, and I still came up with nothing. Maddie here thinks this house might have bad Feng Shui and it's like hindering my enlightenment ports."

"Yes," Maddie proclaimed as she circled around Ron. "Yes, there are powerful currents of energy here, some of them conflicting. Hmmmm something is off here..."

"I tell you what's off, this crappy yoga music. I know you have a few gems in that thing, we heard them creeping out of your room last Friday" Bonnie muttered as she trudged off to Ron's iPod dock station. She poked and prodded the player until, "I remember this, my dad used to play it all the time."

She set the music player down and Bryan Adam's "Summer of 69" blared out of the speakers.

**The cattish one has impressively chosen a personal favorite of mine..."I got my first real six-string bought it at the five and dime, Played it til my fingers bled - it was the summer of '69…"**

Bonnie turned back towards Ron. "Yeah Tara and I heard the Maddona-fest you had on. It would explain allot about you Stoppable. Except for Kim, but then again knowing her she would welcome the challenge of converting. I'll have to give her a lot of credit if she pulled that off."

For the very briefest of moments Ron's entire body stiffened before he resumed his constant rise and descent

"Very interesting" Maddie said as she continued to move around Ron like a buzzard.

"Something wrong?" Tara inquired as her head bobbed up and down along to Ron's movements.

"Well, auras are made up of three sections of energy. Each section serves a specific purpose or relates to a particular component of a person's life. Now these sections of the aura are divided further into energy layers which appear in color. Within the context of the section, each layer of color displays a characteristic of the person."

Bonnie shook her head. "Maddie no offense, but don't just cut to the point, slash and burn your way there."

"I've never seen anything like it. With this kid, It's like a rainbow of colors right up front; some of these things even contradict greatly, it's nothing and everything at the same time."

"Huh?" Bonnie inquired.

"Negativity but high ideals, there's fear and strong anxiety but then comes massive dedication, heightened spiritual awareness, guilt and honor at the same time, shame but pride...deep darkness, yet strong purity and compassion. He's got the most complex aura I've ever seen."

Bonnie held her arms out with a question on her face. "And this means?"

Maddie shrugged. "Nothing dahling, it's just interesting."

"Time is money Maddie," Bonnie doubled over at the waist and glanced down at Ron. "So the plan is to Feng Shui the house up. OK? We've already hired some muscle to rearrange the furniture. It's all coming from my pockets, so you don't have to reach into your pockets. But since it's your house..._Tara_" she said as she pointed her hands to the blond girlfriend, "insisted we ask your permission."

Bonnie was greeted with absolute silence as Ron wordlessly continued his perilous exercise routine. She then turned to her best friend.

"Anything?"

Tara shrugged. "There was a small but sharp intake of breath while you were talking. And I think his eyebrows may have possibly quivered a bit...I think."

"Beautiful!" Bonnie clapped her hands. "That sounds like confirmation to me; good thing to the movers were already on their way up."

Maddie nudged Tara out of the way and leaned downwards. "I just have to ask, do you do this seemingly risky exercise every day? Because if you do, then you should now you're effort is not being wasted. I mean hey, it's like my late husband Frank used to say 'dahling you must be wearing space pants because your ass is out of this world.'"

"Oh God!" Bonnie groaned. "Maddie, we're not on a singles cruise so please keep the cougar act to yourself. It's the one favor I've ever asked, since we've known each other."

"I was just paying the young man a compliment!" Maddie protested.

"I know where your compliments lead Maddie. The last thing I need to see is you slipping a piece of paper with your phone number down the front of Stoppable's pants."

"Hey, if I happen to see sunlight perfectly catching the hard edges of someone's body I'm going to comment on that!"

The small, but spastic twitch of Ron's right leg went unnoticed by the three women.

"OK, nobody is wrong here," Tara said as she stepped in between Bonnie and Maddie. "Maddie has a right to comment on Ron's great ass if she wants to, and Bonnie has a right not to be introduced to mental visuals she may find disturbing."

"OK enough, the movers are paid by the hour. If we don't get moving I'm gonna end up flirting with one of these muscles heads for a discount."

With that said Bonnie began to herd Maddie and Tara back into the house.

"We'll be in shouting distance if you need anything Ron!" Tara called out. "Oh and I made tuna fish sandwiches for lunch..."

"I'm in the phone book!" Maddie managed to blurt as Bonnie shoved her and Tara back into the house.

Before reentering the house Bonnie turned back towards Ron.

"I know 'feng shui' seems a bit '"out there,'" she said with air quotes."But come on, you and Kim fought aliens during our Graduation! Come on now that's out there. Anyway I really want to solve this case and I really think this will help."

For a moment she watched as Ron bobbed up and down.

"So, y'know thanks for letting us...move all your furniture around." She drew in a deep breath, "OK, so I'll just leave you to your weirdness."

Not long after Bonnie had left, did the flickering spirit of the Lotus Blade reemerge besides Ron's music player.

**I admit you did well considering the circumstances.** **You kept your focus, didn't hurt yourself and ****your killing intent barely registered at all. **

_Can I stop now?_

**No, however you can enjoy the infectious voice of the closest thing you generation has to a nightingale. And perhaps...yes indeed, I feel it's possible that I may to burst into song**

Without any prompting, the volume of the music player abruptly increased.

_Oh God No_, _MMP isn't supposed to be used for torture._

**Hush now...**"**Open your heart to me, baby. I'll hold the lock and you hold the key, open your heart to me, darlin'. I'll give you love if you, you turn the key"**

_NO!...God!...No!_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After the explosive incident that had occurred on her first night on the job, Bonnie had done nothing but expand tremendous amounts of mental energy on how to proceed with the case. Figuring out what to do next, had left her on the verge exhaustion. Luckily, even with her initial skepticism, it appeared Maddie's Feng Shui suggestion had come through for her in end. A new idea had come to her that same afternoon while she was in the midst of shaving her legs. Overjoyed at the sudden surge of enlightenment Bonnie rushed out of the bathroom in just her bathrobe. Initially she approached Ron with her plan; his eyes awkwardly lingered on the outlines of her robe before moving on to the abnormal amount of shaving cream remaining on her legs. He roared with laughter and through his merriment she heard him mutter words such as "hairy" and "bigfoot." Furious, and with a vow of vengeance upon her lips, Bonnie retreated back into the bathroom. There she scribbled down a plan on some toilet paper before moving on to more important issues.

Deciding on what she would wear that evening.

"_I need something to show strength and_ _courage,"_ Bonnie thought. She had known since her preteen years that certain pieces of clothing could alter or emphasize her moods. The clothes one wore, she believed, could project a person's inner self to the outside world, which is why even in casual wear, she dressed so that some fragment of her noble character would emerge. For this...upcoming mission of sorts she needed clothes with sleek bravado , something that expressed swagger that was both feminine and functional. And it had to be in all black, black was always sexy and stealthy.

"Goodness," Bonnie said as she admired herself in the living room mirror after picking out her ensemble.

She posed provocatively for herself, gauging the maximum potential of her combination long black cotton button down shirt and black long pants made of a soft stretch spandex.

"If looks could kill, I'd be on death row by now," she grinned.

With a notepad and pencil in hand Tara's reflection slid up beside her own. "So do you remember Jacqueline?"

Bonnie rattled off from memory. "Six feet and twenty five years of aggressively self-involved female. Had an admittedly enviable figure, but a weirdly androgynous face. She always dressed in thigh-high skirts to keep attention focused on her legs."

"Yeah," Tara nodded. "Are we still friends with her?"

"I would say, no. I bumped into her a few years ago at Lane Bryant and she made a crack about my purse. After-which I politely pointed out the fact that in spite of all her efforts at exaggerated femininity. She still managed to look like a man in drag."

"Oh," Tara muttered. "I'll cross her off the friends list"

"Feel free."

"What about Eliza? Whatever happened to her?"

Hand on her hip Bonnie leaned forward at the waist. "You tell me. She invited me to an 'undisclosed age' birthday party at some crappy bar downtown. At the very last minute, I rang her up and said I couldn't come because as much as I value her friendship, I was a vixen on the lookout for a steady relationship, and I wasn't going to find that surrounded by all her boring hipster friends."

"You, didn't actually...say that did you?"

Wordlessly Bonnie glanced over at Tara.

"Oh," Tara muttered once again. "OK"

Bonnie returned to her reflection. "I was in a bad mood that night."

"I'm sure she appreciated your honesty..." Tara declared.

"Judging by how hard the phone slammed shut, Tar'. I'd disagree with you."

"Can we at least put Ron on the friend list?"

Bonnie glanced over her shoulder and stared at her friend curiously. "That seems like a stretch. Our relationship at best is strictly professional."

"Noooo, we're all good friends here."

As if on cue, Bonnie caught sight of the other blond roommate in the mirror as he crossed the living room.

"Hey Stoppable," she called out after him. "How would you define our relationship?"

"Parasite and host," Ron volleyed quickly as he strolled casually towards the kitchen.

Bonnie sighed. "Alright, I gotta give him that one. It was a pretty good shot."

"You see," Tara said as she waved her arms back and forth. "This...this is friendship."

"Yeah, yeah there are miracles everywhere, sunshine and puppies" Bonnie said as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"I think you should be more grateful of Ron's help."

"I'm grateful!" Bonnie replied. "Who says I am not?"

"Hey! Who pigged out on the grape juice!" Ron said as he reentered the room with the carton of juice in hand. He shook the carton rapidly, revealing it's near empty contents. "There's only like a swallow left!"

"Oh, by the way we're out of juice," Bonnie stated matter of factly before bringing her attention back to her reflection.

As Ron muttered an inaudible prayer to the heavens, Tara bounded over to him.

"Hey, I'm planning out Bonnie's annual surprise party for her birthday. It's in a few weeks so I was wondering if I could put you on the invite list."

"Uh..." Ron licked his lips. "Do I...do I acknowledge all the weird parts of what you just said?" squinting his right eye.

"And so, we descend into the dark depths of irony," Bonnie mused.

"You have to come. This party is really important to Bonnie."

"Actually Tara, I'm completely celibate on the issue," Bonnie replied.

"Huh?" Tara asked.

"I don't give a f-"

"Hey!" Ron interrupted. He strolled over to the television set and pointed at the cable box which featured a flickering green light where the timer should have been. "How long has this been going on?"

Tara shrugged. "It's been doing that on and off for the last hour or so."

"Huh," Ron studied the flickering light until the standard time returned moments later. His head then snapped towards Bonnie. "I thought you were going to work tonight."

"Yes," Bonnie nodded to her reflection. "I am ready"

"You are ready," Tara added on.

"Today is my day."

"Every day is your day, Bon'!"

Bonnie turned and took Tara by the hand. "Reliable and supportive Tara, who is much more sensitive to the hardships of those forced to live with the curse of abundant leg hair then some clods who shall not be named."

She briefly glared at Ron, who simply smiled.

"Wait for me here Tara, for I shall return victorious. And we shall partake of alcohol laced fat free jello in celebration."

Bemusement appeared on Tara's face. "What are you talking about? I'm going with you."

"You can't come Tara. There might be risks, dangerous risks involved with this case, and I can't let you get hurt."

"What kind of best friend would I be if I sat back now, because things we're getting rough?"

"I appreciate it, but I can't let you come, it's too dangerous."

The two friends debated back and forth until Ron stepped in between them.

"I can solve this." He extended an open palm out towards Bonnie, like a training glove used in boxing. "Punch, my hand"

"What?" Bonnie asked.

"Just punch my hand. Don't worry there's a point to this."

Bonnie drew back her fist and sent it crashing into Ron's palm, his hand barely budged from the blow. He whistled loudly, "Wow, you're no Kim. That's for sure."

Bonnie bristled at the comment. Then her body stiffened with pure irritation while Ron turned to Tara.

"Your turn."

Tara adjusted her stance and landed a solid punch on Ron's hand.

"Excellent Tara, you just demonstrated the difference between a so-so punch and a hard one. Which is the difference between punching with one's arm and punching with one's weight. Your stance was pretty good too but you should know that your back leg should be supporting most of your weight, not all of it, but most of it."

Tara beamed brightly at Ron, as traces of pride crept up her face.

"And this all means, you're a way, way better fighter than Bonnie. So you should go and watch over her, in case she's in the position where, she's getting her...behind handed to her."

"I'll do my best," Tara declared.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not in the room!" Bonnie exclaimed.

"Oh right," Ron swung back towards Bonnie. "Don't take it personal BonBon, you do have the athletic build of a world class cheerleader. But you can't fight, so Tara will be there to help."

Bonnie let out a heavy sigh.

"We can do this Bon', together." Tara extended her closed fist, "we're the dynamic duo-"

A sudden surge of nostalgia brought a smile to Bonnie's face. She placed her fist against Tara's "-forget Batman and Robin-"

"-Whoever doesn't like it-" Tara continued.

"-That's their problem!" They said in unison before pushing past Ron into a tight hug.

"Awww, the sweet bond of friendship," Ron sighed. "It's pretty interesting to see the truth depths of Queen B's heart."

"And Stopapble ruins the moment," Bonnie pulled herself away from Tara's embrace. "I'd bet the perv is expecting us to kiss."

"Haha, nice try BonBon. I'm not falling for your teasing traps anymore" Ron said as he brought the carton of juice up towards his lips. "I'm too mature for that now."

"Besides," Tara replied. "Bonnie and I haven't practiced kissing since like what, senior year of high school?"

"Spitake in three, two, one," Bonnie said quickly a nanosecond before a mouthful of juice erupted from Ron's mouth and splattered on the floor.

"Wow I didn't think that would work," Tara chuckled. "I'm sorry Ron but I couldn't resist."

"Very nice Tara. Took a few seconds before it hit his brain, but it had the desired effect."

Bonnie placed her arm around Tara's shoulder. "Now let's go solve this case."

"Later Ron," Tara said as Bonnie led her to the exit.

Ron suddenly found himself alone, with juice dripping from his mouth. Using his sleeve he wiped his lips clean and stared at the now empty carton in his hand.

**I rescind my earlier praise; obviously you're still lacking some in mental strength.**

_Don't...start with me...LB_

Through the corner of eyes, Ron once again caught sight of the flashing cable box.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Around fifteen minutes after Bonnie and Tara had departed; Ron addressed the issue of the flashing light on the cable box. He would have gotten to it much sooner, if it hadn't taken him fourteen minutes and change to find his communicator. A flashing cable box was not just an urgent message for him to get in touch with G.J. but it also heavily recommended the bypassing of the standard lines of communication if possible. If it had been a steady flash of light he was to contact Dr. Director and no one else. A flickering light meant that someone else from G.J was trying to reach him, and since he could count on one hand the number of times another member of the organization had contacted him directly, it could only be one person.

"Key KP."

Her face slid abruptly into view and she smiled brightly through the screen. "Ah great, guess our connections to the orbital satellites are still functional."

Her voice was accompanied by blaring alarms in the background. The harsh red light illuminating the room behind her added the atmosphere of urgency in the room.

Though one couldn't tell that from Kim's smile.

"KP?"

"That was some delay Ron, I sent out that signal awhile ago."

Ron shook his head in contrition. "Sorry about that, I was kind of caught up in the MMP thing."

"Yeah," Kim sighed. "I know how it is; I'm swamped with G.J. stuff."

"Right, about that," Ron said as he scratched at his forehead. "Is that a code red going on...all around you?"

Kim shrugged wearily, "The European HQ is sort of in the process of being invaded. Cyborgs from the future, I think they're Nazi's this time."

"Really...Nazi cyborgs? That sounds whacked...even for us."

"Yeah...swastikas and laser beams...go figure. You returned the call in the nick of time, we're probably going to be facing massive amounts of downtime and I wanted to tell you that-"

She paused and glanced off screen. "Wait, I gotta take this call."

Ron didn't get a chance to respond before a tiny picture-in-picture screen featuring Wade's chubby face popped up at the bottom right corner of the main screen.

"Wade, how's it going?" Kim asked.

"Oh it's all swell, you know beside the fact that my research assistant was a cyborg spy from the future!"

Kim winced, "seriously?"

"I asked six months ago for a bio scanner to be installed in the labs Kim, six months."

"It wasn't in the budget Wade, we went over this."

"Oh right the buuuuudget. See the thing about budgets is, they don't protect you from laser fire!"

Kim ran his hands across the base of her temple. "Wade I know this is technically a crisis but that's no reason to raise your voice. Is your assistant still in the lab?"

"Naw," Wade said with a shake of his head. "I'm happy to report he got hit with an EMP Jr. Bomb."

"I trust EMP Sr. is being charged."

A look of feigned surprise came over Wade's face. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"I can do without the sarcasm, Wade."

"Sorry been a rough day. It'll be fully charged in thirty minutes."

"Make it fifteen or we're probably all dead."

"No pressure," Wade sighed. "Wait is that Ron? Ron, long time no see!"

"Yo," Ron waved his hand at the screen.

"Ron, tell me you saw 'Stranded' last week? Great show or greatest show on television?"

Ron nodded. "I still love it, but they never really answer any of the important questi-"

"Guys!" Kim interrupted. "Hate to interrupt but...crisis?"

"Right, Nazi Robots," Wade replied. "OK, I'm outta here. Hey Ron, make sure you call me after the finale dude."

With that Wade's face blinked off the screen.

"Sorry about the sudden geek-out, KP," Ron said.

An eyebrow arched on the red head's face. "Ah well, geeks have their charms," she said.

"Well I, um," Ron stuttered a small pink blush on my face.

"So OK, business before pleasure, there is an issue that may or may not be problematic for you. We usually get blips on the radar when certain players of interest start moving around Europe. One of the more major recent blips goes by the name of François Doucet, an infamous international assassin. I'm gonna upload his profile to your communicator in just a few seconds."

"International assassin huh?"

"Oh yeah, G.J. has had their eye on him for years, and he's been driving them bonkers way before I even got on board. He's never failed to kill his target, ever. And he's targeted all kinds of important people, prime ministers, CEO's, Kings, scientists. He's got a rap sheet as high as the Alps."

"Sounds like problem."

"You're probably wondering what this has to do with you. Well we tracked him to the States, so I got in touch with Will Du. We exchanged info and Will's pinned him down to Upperton."

"He's here, in the city?"

"Yeah seems like it."

"Why?"

"Well it's Will's jurisdiction and he has no idea. There's nobody worth killing there for Ducet's asking price."

"Huh," Ron muttered. "Maybe he's visiting, being touristy, a huge art museum just opened up downtown."

"Yeah, he was born and raised in France. He's seen an art museum or two Ron. Will's watching over things but you should still keep an ear to the ground. If you pick up on anything strange let him know."

"Hey, don't worry about it KP. This city is huge what are the chances that I'll run into a notorious international hit-man? Hey, I wonder who's knocking at the front door... Just kidding."

A hint of worry flashed in Kim's narrowed eyes. "Listen I know you're the super powered ninja chosen one and all but...I want you to stay alert. Ducet is one of the world's greatest assassin and he specializes in unarmed combat. He's a Master of Savate and we've got him categorized as having achieved, or is pretty darn close to peak human potential."

"Only peak human?" Ron joked. He looked for the smile on Kim's face but got nothing but seriousness in return.

Something which should not have surprised him with the screeching alarm in the background.

She paused. "I know…That I don't need to be worried about you but...I am."

"Well," Ron coughed "I-"

Ron was interrupted once again a hand entered the screen and handed Kim a rather large, shiny, and sleek looking silver and black colored rifle. Kim nestled the weapon tightly against her chest.

"R&D give this gadget a name yet?"

"It's called a high-power, Ultradisruptor, Magnum" a voice said from off screen.

"Come on really? That's the best name they could think of?" She shook her head. "I told Betty she should have signed off on that creativity seminar for the guys at R&D."

"Um, there is a bit of a learning curve for this weapon Miss Possible."

"What am I, a cadet? I'll figure it out. How about a status report in the meantime?"

"Unfortunately, Rodger's initiated the lock-down sequence in sector 32G. He and his team are sealed in with the enemy; he plans to hold them until the EMP Sr. is activated. Before his communications went out he requested that you tell his wife he died a hero."

"Well unfortunately I will have to deny his request. Since I promised his wife two months ago he'd see the birth of his son."

Kim fingers danced along the weapon in her hand and it suddenly buzzed to life. "Rodgers will have to pick another day to play martyr. Since his communications are out, I supposed we'll have to deliver the bad news to him personally."

"Yes ma'am!" said the off-screen voice enthusiastically.

Kim turned back to Ron. "Sorry Ron, gotta jet, crisis to solve."

"Hey listen, do you need my help?"

"Awww that's sweet. Though I'd look forward to us working as a team again, it'll just be a waste of a flight. We'll be filling paperwork by the time you get off the plane."

"So I guess you've pretty much gotten a handle on the whole risk management thing huh?"

Kim's lips curved into a sly smile. "I've also gotten a handle on many of the European languages. _Toi et moi, ça ne changera pas_. Just a little French for ya, for the road."

Ron couldn't get another word in before the screen suddenly cut out and went to black. He eyed the screen for a moment before concluding that Kim would definitely come out on top. He set the communicator down and with his hands shoved deeply in his pockets he wandered out of his room.

"François Doucet?"

Ron weighed the pros and cons before deciding that Will Du should have things in hand. His life was complicated enough at the moment, without introducing an international assassin to it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come now, let us not get upset over zis simple misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding?" Calvin shouted shaking the briefcase in his right hand. "We scheduled this meeting two weeks ago; I've been stuck in this damn city for two weeks! Where the hell were you?"

Shirtless, the French Assassin led Calvin into the living room area of his hotel suite. He gestured to the couch while sauntering nonchalantly to the bar. Calvin quickly sized the man up. His physical form was notably athletic. The "gentleman" had an air of violence about him and Calvin couldn't help but compare to being in the vicinity of a menacing shark. His slitted eyes were the color of varnished wood,his auburn hair was collar-length.

"Something came up," Francois stated.

"What could have possibly come up?"

"I met a woman...and her sister," Francois said as he poured wine into two separate glasses. "Sir, 'ave you ever made love in a tub full of ranch dressing."

Calvin ran his hands across his face.

"It did not end well," Francois sighed. "We were all meant for each other and not meant for each other. It's a contradiction, just like life no?"

"How about this, you put on a shirt and then we'll talk business."

"You 'ave a problem with the human body?"

"Fine, you're not taking this seriously. I'll just leave."

Calvin made a move toward the exit but Francois quickly intercepted his flight out. He politely handed Calvin one of the two glasses of wine. "Your employer claims that you have a most valuable item for me."

"Sure," Calvin walked back to bar and placed the briefcase on the counter-top. Deftly he popped the case open, revealing a small mechanical syringe pump and a tiny vial that contained bubbling green ooze.

"As long as you're OK with being a guinea pig. Oh and before you ever use this-," He pointed to a single pill that rested beside the vial. "-Take this pill. It'll help the serum hit your system faster."

Francois walked over to the bar and plucked the vial out of the case. He inspected the vial closely before eying Calvin suspiciously. "What are the side effects?"

"You mean beside the vast increase in speed, strength and reaction time?" Calvin replied.

"Yes, and if you lie to me I will have to kill you."

"Oh well that changes everything," Calvin said as he took a sip of his drink. "There are no effects, but for the record, don't lose consciousness while you're...let's just say under the influence."

"What happens if I do?"

Calvin shook his head. "Just, don't."

Francois grinned as he clutched the vial in his hand. "Well I was never one to shy away from experimentation."

"It's good to hear you're willing to cooperate," Calvin gulped down the rest of his wine. "So why did you pick this nightmare of a city anyway, I could have met you in Paris or something."

"I owe someone a couple of freebies, some debts to be repaid. You know how it is with these 'Mafioso' types, always with the euhhhhhhh how do you say, whacking off."

"Suuure," Calvin nodded. "Still I never thought I'd be forced to crawl back to this corner of the world."

"Oh so you are familiar with this city? Well I have a proposition for you. Today I met two other very beautiful ladies in the 'otel lobby. We're to meet tonight and well I'd like to invite you to join us for the evening. **  
**  
"What?"

"They're tourists as I am, and we would appreciate 'aving a guide to the city. Mmmm, I can see it now we'll spend zee weekend. I mean, you'll show us around the city, and we'll eat well, we'll drink good wine. We'll make love."

Calvin did a double take. "Wait, yeah, who exactly is going to make love?"

"Hopefully, the four of us."

"A-are you serious?"

Francois sipped his drink. "I am always serious when it comes to amor."

There was a long moment of deep silence before Calvin glanced at his wrist watch. "Wow, I'm gonna have to pass. I have another appointment. I'll let myself out."

"Zhat is unfortunate my friend. As zhey say, all work and no play," Francois called out as Calvin quick stepped past him and made a beeline for the door.

"Uh-huh, Just remember don't lose consciousness until at least eight hours after injection….and take the pill. Don't call us we'll call you."

The door slammed shut behind Calvin and Francois shrugged to himself. He poured himself another drink and wandered over to the nearest window that offered an overview of the city's skyline. This city was definitely not Paris Francois mused, however perhaps like certain people its true beauty laid below the surface.

"Well now, Upperton," he cooed as he gazed over the city. "Beauty, adventure, drama? What if any of zis do you have to offer me?"

* * *

A/N Thanks for reading. Hopefully you enjoyed the story. so let me know if you did. There should be another chapter coming real soon.


	2. Sherlock who?

A/N Short chapter here, but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway because I had to do quite a bit of odd research for this chapter. On what you ask? Well you'll see it when you come across it. (For an additional clue if you didn't know, I am a dude)

P.S Oh to the K/R fans keeping a watchdog like vigilance over the story. It's actually kind of flattering in a way lol. And I can't blame you guys, if the shoe was on the other foot etc etc.

But hey I have a story to tell, and I'm going to tell it to best of my ability, and that's basically what I'm hoping to do.

* * *

"You say something?" Tara asked as she snatched a duffel bag from the trunk of her car. She skipped around toward the hood where Bonnie sat crossed legged and reading a magazine.

"Listen to this Tar'. According to this article, young women between the ages of eighteen and thirty are suffering from low libido, at rates never seen before. Forty three percent of them do not care for sex or enjoy it at all."

"Forty three percent? That sounds like a lot," Tara mentioned.

"They're blaming it on stress at work, antidepressants, and even Hollywood." Bonnie glanced up from the magazine. "What do you think is missing from this list Tara?"

"Um," Tara set the duffel bag down and pondered the question for a moment. "The guys?"

"Exactly, right away they're blaming the women. Forty three percent of the women out there are perfectly fine. The problem is ninety percent of the jerks out there, who can't turn anyone on. They're playing fantasy football, they're talking about comic book movies, and oh heaven forbid you get in the middle of a 'bromance.'"

Tara slid onto the hood beside Bonnie. "When I broke up with Josh for the third time, I went out with this guy named Hal and I swear we did not make out once without some sports show being on in the background."

Bonnie scoffed. "Because it's so romantic making out while a guy has one eye on the baseball updates. Not like most of them would know what to do even if they were focused on the task at hand."

"My cousin Tia lived with a guy for ten years who didn't know how to-" Tara waved her hand below her waistline. "Y'know cunning linguist."

"Cunnilingus" Bonnie corrected with a sigh.

"Yeah that." Tara nodded. "Anyway, while she was with him she thought she hated it. But then she broke up with him and hooked up with this other guy and it turns out she loves it".

"Like any other normal woman," Bonnie added. "Let me guess the old boyfriend's technique, puppy dog with an Alpo can?"

Tara moved her head from left to right, "No, she said he just kind of snaked around down there."

"Oh jeez, is it so hard have a little pride in your love making skills. This isn't Nascar folks, the fastest one to the finish line is not the big winner."

"I blame internet porn," Tara said simply.

"Really?" Bonnie asked curiously.

"Yep. I think nowadays guys bring as much insecurities to bed as women. Lots of them are afraid that they're….stuff...is too small because all the videos on their hard drive have guys walking around with a Louisville Slugger in their pants. And have you seen porn? There's like zero seduction involved, it's gross."

Bonnie nodded approvingly. "Tara I am impressed by your insight."

"Well you never know what can come to mind while meditating."

"Meditate, you meditate now?" Bonnie asked through narrow eyes.

Quickly Tara slid off the hood and jumped to her feet. "Hey you said you'd solve this case by midnight."

"What time is it now?"

"Midnight."

Bonnie scoffed. "Well since we're past the deadline there won't be any pressure"

Tara placed her hand on Bonnie's shoulder. "That's fine, it's a perfectly natural reaction to stall when you're about to something really unusual."

"Stalling," Bonnie said aghast. "Nothing stalls Bonnie Rockwaller from her objectives. The time is now, let's go through the equipment."

"OK," Tara knelt down, unzipped the duffel bag and began to scrounge through it.

"Cell phone and headsets?" Bonnie asked.

"Check," Tara replied as she fished the devices from the bag and handed them to Bonnie.

"Flashlight?"

"Check."

"Raspberry lip balm?"

"Check"

Bonnie unscrewed the tiny tube, dabbed a bit of the goop across her lips and puckered.

"Gloves?"

"Check," Tara tossed Bonnie a pair and she swiftly slipped them on.

"What about this ski mask?" Tara held the dark colored accessory out to Bonnie.

"And mess up my hair? You must be joking. Speaking of hair-," Bonnie reached into the bag and pulled out a hairnet.

"What's that for?"

"No evidence left behind, that includes fingerprints and hair strands." Bonnie slipped the net over her hair and made sure to tuck any and all loose strands in.

"Alright Tara get in the car and wait there. Keep your head down but you keep an eye out with the binoculars. If anything strange happens hit me up on the headset. Now what I am about to do is technically illegal. So if you hear, like sirens or something hit the gas pedal and go."

"I can't leave you alone," Tara said taken aback. "Bonnie you're too...self confident...to survive alone in a woman's prison."

"First of all I am going to take that as compliment and I thank you for it. Second of all, you can leave and you will, because worst case scenario I will need someone on the outside to smuggle in my favorite brand of shampoo."

"I'd be honored," Tara exclaimed.

Bonnie in turn placed her hand on her friend's shoulders. "Of course you would. Now I'm off to do what, I do best, be excellent."

The plan was simple enough. At least, it had seemed that way when the plan came to her. The case had started with Tara and her on their way to visit John Moretti at home. That little excursion was unfortunately interrupted by a ridiculously explosive shoot out. Now two weeks later seeing herself with severely limited options, Bonnie planned on breaking into John Morretti's home to look for clues on his whereabouts, because unfortunately he was the only lead they had on finding Janet's father.

Under the cover of darkness Bonnie tiptoed across the street and slipped onto Morretti's front yard. She scanned the exterior of the house and came to the immediate conclusion that she had no idea what to do next. How would she get in the house? What would she be looking for? How would she find it? Wouldn't the police have cleaned out the area for anything remotely important? Why wasn't she at home asleep, instead of working a case that had only brought wrinkle inducing stress into her life? When she found herself standing before Morretti's door, she reconsidered; one reason for this being she was already there, the other was that she had made too big of a fuss in front of Tara and Ron, to back out now. There really was no turning back now she lamented, while staring at the front door. It was now or never, she was Bonnie Rockwaller, she was exceptional, and she did know what to do next. It had just taken some time to come to her, all the best plans took time, she reasoned.

Hours of watching private eye and mystery themed movies was now paying off. Smiling to herself she pulled out her Gap VIP membership card and slid the card into the vertical crack between the door and the frame. She'd seen it done in the movies countless times. When the sly protagonist needed to explore someone's base of operations he'd whip out a card, wiggle it in the crack of the door and stroll right on in. Feeling especially sly Bonnie pushed the card in until it was completely wedged into the door. So far so good, she thought as she slid the card downwards until it hit the lock. Unfortunately the door did not magically spring open as she had expected, with the patience of a small child she worked the card up and down until

_Snap_

Startled she pulled out the card, only to come away with half of it.

_Nooooooooo_!

Bonnie wailed inwardly. Soft puppy dog whimpers escaped from her lips as she stared at the broken card in her hand. She had shopped so hard for the privilege of owning that card.

She stepped away from the door. _No I cannot be deterred by despair_

Conceding to the fact that she was not as sly a protagonist as she had envisioned, she quickly abandoned the front door a few seconds later. As she rounded the house her determination to break in grew, if not for anything but the fact that she couldn't let her membership card's sacrifice be in vain.

The locked windows and back door had Bonnie momentarily discouraged until she spied a door leading into the garage. She didn't consider herself that lucky until the knob turned with ease in her hand. After a quick over the shoulder look, she slipped into the house and closed the door behind her.

She didn't spend too long in the dark before pulling out her flashlight, and fiddling with her headset.

"I'm in Tara."

"The house?" Tara's voice came through in garbled static.

"Yes, the house" Bonnie waved her flashlight around the garage. The light washed over the tool bench in the back wall and the standard oil spots on the ground.

"OK, what am I looking for?" Bonnie muttered.

"You're looking for a clue," Tara said simply.

Bonnie sighed. "You're absolutely adorable Tara, are you aware of that?"

"I am aware thank you" Tara replied sweetly as Bonnie crossed the garage and opened an interior door.

"I might start calling you Kronk when we're on the cases."

"Ooo, and you can be -"

"If you say Yzma, I swear I'll come back there and-"

"Kuzco. I was going with Kuzco."

Bonnie found herself in the kitchen, she located the light switch, flipped it on, and after a quick glance around she discovered everything to be disappointingly normal. Standard yellow curtains over the sink, white pine cabinets, and plaid tablecloth draped over a breakfast table near the window, standard cheery Americana. Wandering about, first stopping at the front door to pull out the remainder of her GAP card, she eventually jogged up the stairs and entered the first bedroom she came upon. The bare tabletop, the single dresser, and the crisp, clean, and coordinated linens over the bed screamed guestroom to her. She did a quick scan of the closet and drawer and came up with nothing. Disappointed once again, she stepped out, crossed the hall and moved on to the last room in the house. In the dark it seemingly appeared to be a simple bedroom with nothing out of the ordinary. She made a beeline for the nightstand and started unfolding every piece of paper she could find hoping for some sign of anything really.

Yielding zero from the nightstand, the dresser, and a quick glance under the bed, Bonnie made her way to the closet. She threw the closet door open and gasped.

"Something wrong?" Tara exclaimed.

Bonnie was not quick to reply as her eyes took in the sight of the closet interior. The closet was separated into two sections. The right side contained suits and buttoned down shirts with sneakers and boots directly beneath them on the ground. The left side, the gasp worthy side contained hooks with dozens of beautiful, exquisite, designer purses. Below the purses were so many shoes that it was like looking through a boutique store window. They were the genuine half a grand a pair articles. Bonnie knelt down beside a pair of Louis Vuitton Minimalisa High Boots in ostrich leather no less, and let out a loud moan as she inspected them.

"Um, Bonnie."

"New development Tara, if Morretti isn't married then he must have a girlfriend...and she has fabulous taste in accessories. No it's beyond fabulous, it can only be described as divine."

She tilted her head upward and turned her attention back to the purses. Each one was a treat for the eyes but that wasn't enough; she had to feel the material.

"Bonnie...?"

"One second Tara," Bonnie said as she licked her lips. "I'm having a moment."

Her fingers ran across each individual purse, feeling the materials and drawing in the expensive purse smell. The most exquisite purse was hooked up at the back; it was a vivid green that would perfectly match her eyes.

"Um, Bon'"

"What is it Tara?"

"You should probably know that someone just walked into the house."

Bonnie froze. When she heard the stairs creek, she willed herself not to hyperventilate.

"Gotta hide, so not another word Tara," she whispered.

She scanned the room for a hiding place, the closet would have been good if hadn't been packed to capacity. The dresser, the night stand, they were not large enough to hide behind. Thinking quickly Bonnie dropped to the ground and squeezed her body under the bed. Labored breathing alerted her when the intruder-come-lately entered the room. With her hand clasped tightly around her mouth Bonnie watched a pair of what she identified as expensive Jimmy Choo pumps cross the room**.**

Bonnie then heard the sound of the drawers being opened and ruffled through. There was a grunt, and then she watched the glorious pumps heading toward the closet. It was a quick stop because to Bonnie's horror the intruder turned back towards the bed. Holding her breath Bonnie offered a silent prayer as the Jimmy Choo's slowly came towards her. One step after the other until the tip of the right foot was inches from her face to the point where she caught the faint scent of odor eaters. She was sure the intruder was set on taking a nap, but thankfully Choo's veered to the left and out the bedroom door.

Her sigh of relief was big enough to splatter the dust bunnies in front of her face. The stair case squeaked again but Bonnie waited until she heard the front door slam downstairs, before crawling from beneath the bed. She walked back over to the closet and after flipping through her memory, she concluded that a pair of shoes was now missing. But worse of all the eye matching purse had been taken as well.

It hadn't occurred to her to steal the purse but now that it was gone, it dawned on her that the night had finally reached a low point. And it was time to quit while she was ahead. She rushed down the stairs two at a time and she was making her into the kitchen when Tara's whisper came through her headset.

"Bonnie are you OK?"  
**  
**"Yes," she answered.

"OK so here's something weird. The front door opened and shut but no one came out."

Bonnie came to a quick stop, "what?"

It was at that exact moment when the kitchen lights went out with a loud click.

"Oh crap," Bonnie muttered.

She was not more than a few feet from the kitchen door when she was attacked from behind. Huge hands shot out of the dark, lifted her up and tossed her back to the ground. She hit the floor hard but after years of topping cheerleader pyramids she wasn't a stranger to a rough fall. Recovering quickly she sprang up fast, swung out and made contact in the darkness. The loud grunt confirmed that her assailant was hit and possibly dazed. Taking the opportunity Bonnie threw her body against the kitchen door and barreled out into the backyard.

She had managed to scramble onto the backyard when abruptly she was tackled from behind, and once again being slammed to the ground. Glancing up, gasping she saw the outline of her assailants body in the moonlight as she was pinned to the ground. Red hair, red ascot, a matching sequin dress, and the missing purse.

Always with the red hair Bonnie mused through her pain. At least this one had an eye for fashion.

"Who are you?" The assailant cried in an unusually high pitched voice. "Did _they _send you?"

Her eyes adjusting to the darkness Bonnie took in the sight of the person crushing her to the ground.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she managed to sputter.

"You're lying!"  
**  
**Additional pressure was to Bonnie's ribcage, she was on the verge of crying out loud in pain when.

"HIYA!"

Bonnie looked on in amazement as a dainty fist flew into view and smashed right into her attacker's face. The pressure on her chest was lifted immediately when the obviously crazed but brilliant "accessorizer" was knocked clear of her body. Groaning out loud Bonnie crawled to her feet. Now doubled over and breathing heavily, she attempted to regain her bearings while Tara took a fighting stance beside her.

Finally getting it together, she glanced up just in time to see the second intruder leaping over the back fence. A moment later the only trace left of her would- be- rib crusher was a single pump lying among a trail of footprints.

"Oh thank god she ran off, I had no idea what I was going to do next," Tara said with a sigh of relief.

Bonnie drew in a deep breath. "Really Tara? _Hiya_?"

Tara blushed profusely. "It's a little cliched but it felt like the right thing to say."

Bonnie smiled, "Don't ever change sweetie."

She marched over to the lone shoe and plucked it out of the ground.

"What's that?" Tara asked.

"This Tara, is a clue."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So...it's a shoe?"

"It's not just a shoe," Bonnie corrected. "These red crocodile pumps are a great example of a sexy, modern approach to footwear. They magically transform everyday pumps into luxurious must-haves."

Ron blinked rapidly at Bonnie. "So it's a shoe?"

"Oh God," Bonnie sighed as she watched Ron place on the table in front of her, a large leaf with a thick green paste spread across the surface of it.

"What's with the guacamole?"

"It's not guacamole, it's...something Japanese," Ron coughed.

"Ooooo" Tara cooed as she leaned over Bonnie's shoulder. Bonnie shooed her friend away from her immediate personal space.

"Give me your right hand," Ron instructed.

"Why?"

"Just trust me."

Reluctantly Bonnie extended out her hand. Ron took her hand in his and deftly rolled up her sleeve revealing a fairly lengthy cut on the underside of her forearm. Ron dabbed the fingers of his free hand in the paste and spread it across the minor wound on Bonnie's arm.

"Ewwwww," she frowned.

"Stop being a baby," Ron lectured. After a moment or two he wiped most of the salve off with the back of his free hand. Surprisingly enough the wound on her arm was now gone.

Bonnie stared down at her hand as Tara applauded as if she had just witnessed the final act of a magic show.

"Why aren't you selling this to the medical industry?"

"You're welcome," Ron declared as he took a seat at the dining table. "And you could also thank me for telling Tara to go with you; if she wasn't there things might have been a lot worse."

He nodded to Tara who was grinning broadly.

"OK wait minute, Tara did save the day. But I wasn't completely defenseless. I was pretty close to biting the crap out of him."

"Him?" Tara asked.

"Yeah, I thought Tara said it was a woman" Ron added on.

"No, it was a man."

Ron and Tara exchanged glances.

"Oh right, I guess I should elaborate. God Forbid you take my word for it," Bonnie said.

She lifted the shoe off the table. "Well for one, look at the size of this thing. This is a size ten men; they don't even make them in this size."

Ron scratched at his forehead. "Well that doesn't really prov-,"  
**  
**"I'm not a done," Bonnie interrupted. "When he first attacked in the dark I did manage to strike him in the chest. And his breasts were definitely fake. I'm not talking about 'silicone' valley either, I'm saying it was like a stage prop, space age polymer material."

"How can you tell from one feel?" Ron asked skeptically

Bonnie scoffed, "Yeah, why would I know how breasts feel? Not like they haven't been y'know hanging off my body for most of my life."

"Yeah but those are your breasts." Ron turned to Tara, "Breasts come in different sizes and textures right?"

"A moot point Stoppable," Bonnie said. "Since I have felt other breasts before."  
**  
**Ron's head snapped turned towards her. Bonnie watched incredulously as his mouth moved but no sounds emerged. He then stopped himself and drew in a deep breath. "So what you're saying is you've felt other breasts?"  
**  
**Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Oh my goodness, I've got two sisters who made it a point to wrestle me to the ground whenever they felt like it. I was a cheerleader for four years. I have bumped and rubbed against all kinds of breasts in my life, even Kim's for example."

Visibly embarrassed Ron ran his hands over his face. "That sounds reasonable"

"Obviously it's pretty safe to say I have felt more breasts than you have, at this point in our lives. You probably only have one pair on your resume."

"OK….."

"And that's not even that big of a deal, Kim's breasts right? Tara and I have both bumped into Kim's breasts before."  
**  
**"OK, I get it..." Ron once again stopped himself, shut his eyes, and drew in a deep breath. "So to clarify what you're saying is...you've both gotten a feel of Kim's breasts before, and she's probably felt yours?"

"It's like your twelve!" Bonnie exclaimed. She turned to Tara. "This is your fault, that kissing joke earlier has obviously screwed with his head."

Tara nodded sadly. "I really should consider the consequences of my humor."

Ron shook himself like a dog coming in from the rain. "Alright I'm good, it's out of my system…..I'm good, let's get back to the...the case."

"Anyway the final and most definitive reason why I believe I was attacked by a man tonight. The ascot…."

"The what?" Ron asked.

"The ascot is a very hard move to pull off without looking old fashioned. I personally wouldn't risk it but when done right it's very chic…."

"What are you talking about?" Ron said confused.

Bonnie sighed" just let me finish my train of thought OK? In this particular case however it was being used to hide a very telling bump in the neck area. Something most commonly known as the…" she paused for melodramatic effect "…Adam's apple. I'm sure you've heard of it. Unfortunately the ascot's material wasn't thick enough and a keen eye would be able to spot the bump, seeing how men don't have breasts and women don't have Adam's apple we can conclude I was attacked by a guy."

"You saw the Adam's apple beneath an ascot in the dark?" Ron said incredulously.

Bonnie leaned back in her chair. "Stoppable, tell me how does one become the biggest bitch in our high school without being able to spot weakness."

"Touche," Ron replied. "So OK, back to the original issue how does the shoe help you?"

"Before I explain that, let me ask you something. You're some kind of a cop. Can't you, you know, run some prints on this or something?"

"How about, I not do your work for you?"

"Fine," Bonnie sighed. "Like I said about the pumps earlier, this shoe size is a male ten, you won't find that in any boutique, because they don't make these shoes this big. Something this big has to be ordered custom made. This is a very expensive shoe and only one store in the tri-state area does these kinds of custom jobs. It's called La Madonna Boutique and its midtown. There's a platinum card detector at the door, you don't have one then you're not getting in. They'll probably have records on whoever brought this shoe. We get the records we find my attacker; we probably find something about John Morretti."

"Yay Bon', doing your 'P. I' thing," Tara rose out of her seat and applauded happily. "This calls for celebratory chocolate cupcakes, good thing I got some at the store this morning."

Humming happily to herself Tara sauntered out of the dining room and into the kitchen.

"Hmmm. OK," Ron said he looked from Bonnie to the kitchen and back to Bonnie again. "As much as I hate to throw rain clouds on that ray of sunshine, how are you going to get those records?"

Bonnie stood up. "I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Don't be a buzz kill Stoppable; give me at least one night to enjoy my minor success. Now if you don't mind, I am going to treat myself to a celebratory bath."

"Hold on BonBon." Ron called out as she made a turn to leave. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of items.

"What are those?" She asked.

"These are part of your starter kit," he said as he placed each item on the table.

"This fake cigarette lighter is the worlds smallest but most powerful stun gun, phony lipstick is actually mace, this pen is basically like reusable a mini flash bang grenade, and this key chain when properly used activates a silent alarm."

"Silent alarm that alerts who?"

"Me," Ron replied casually. "There might be a day when Tara isn't enough to bail you out."

"And you didn't give me these before tonight when I could have been killed because….?"

"Do you want them or night?" Ron sighed.

Bonnie reached for the items on the table but Ron deflected her hand.

He produced a tiny handbook, "Instructions, learn how to use them before you have to use them."

"Clever line, you should be righting PSAs," Bonnie said as she accepted the handbook. She reached for the items once more but Ron deflected her hand again.

"Hey how about a "thank you" first? I'm giving you these for free, you know like room and board."

"You're serious?" Bonnie asked.

"Just a simple 'thank you Stoppable' will be fine," Ron smirked.

Bonnie chuckled softly. "Fine," she said suddenly before plopping herself down on his lap. Then she put an arm around his shoulders and drew his head near to her.

"You sure a simple thank you is good enough Ron? Or should I say _big daddy_" she purred.

"Yeah," he stated becoming increasingly anxious. "Just a simple thank you."

"Really? But that's not very fun"

"F-fun?" Ron stuttered. "OK you're making fun of me now, and I don't appreciate being teased."

"You don't like being teased?" Bonnie shifted herself on his lap.

"Hahahaha, no, I don't" he gulped.

"With if I get extra wriggly?" she giggled innocently.

"No! No that that would not help, in fact less wiggling is good, actually, what you can do is get off on me-no wait, I meant to say get—me off you-oh no that didn't sound right either."

"Stoppable, you're beginning to sweat," she whispered. "Relax, if you don't want me on your lap then push me off."

Bonnie leaned forward and clutched his head against her chest. "Or are you afraid to _touch_ me"

She felt his body stiffen beneath her. No that was an understatement; he literally stopped moving under her. Finding this curious Bonnie leaned back to gauge the reaction on his face. His eyes were shut, there was nothing but complete stillness and calm upon Ron's face and she couldn't tell he was breathing until she waved her fingers under his nose.

"Stoppable? Ron?" She waved her hands before his face.

"What's going on?" Tara asked as she returned to the dining room with a plate of cupcakes.

Bonnie jumped to her feet. "I was just teasing him but now...I think I broke him."

"Huh," Tara brushed past her friend and inspected Ron's face.

"Is he alright?" Bonnie asked.

"Not to doubt your bold and appealing sensuality Bon', but I don't think you broke him" Tara answered.

"If he's not broken, what happened to him?"

"I think he's meditating. Martial artists have been known to retreat into deep meditative states during periods of immense physical or mental stress."

"And you know this how?"

Tara looked up at the ceiling. "Um, Discovery Channel?"

Bonnie stared at Tara for a moment before grabbing a cupcake for herself. "So how long is he going to be like this?"

"I don't know."

"Well then" Bonnie said as she took a bite of cupcake. "What's on pay-per-view?"

* * *

A/N Hopefully you dug it. Hopefully it was short but entertaining. Read and review tell me what you think.


End file.
